Photo: Obei-in Daitoku-ji, Kyoto
"When your man is under great pressure, how can you help him get through?”
------A Path to Soul Mates for Couples
When a man is under too much pressure, in general, he will not say that he is too stressed.
But you will find that he may suddenly get upset over trivial matters, or more irritable recently.
If you have observed these two phenomena, it is likely that he has accumulated a lot of pressure. …...
When you find your man too stressed, how can you help him get through?
It is that you “keep him company”. But do it not in the regular way; instead, you need to make some adjustments deliberately.
First of all, the most important thing is never keep asking him questions.
“Being stressful” is not necessarily a bad thing in life.
It's just that people may all of a sudden be lost under too much pressure.
Generally speaking, men would like to find their own way to divide problems and digest them.
So when he is trying to divide his problem,
you keep asking him questions like “What's wrong?” “Is the situation so?”
“ Shouldn’t you just do that?”
Your concern for him will be like frequent disturbances when he is stuck with a broken complicated machine.
Especially if your care is mixed with worry, he will not only feel no love from your side, but find your worry even more stressful and agitating. Your concern makes him feel unable to calm down and solve the problem.
Besides, when he cannot open his knot, if you give him another knot by developing more threads in your thinking, he will be more stressed out.
Maybe when he is doing well in life, he can talk and benefit from your thoughts; but when he is stressed, he may immediately show a rude response because of, perhaps, just a little inquiry. So don't argue with him at that time, saying, “I simply want to discuss with you as usual, why are you being so cranky…...etc. Because, at that moment, he literally cannot control his temper.
A better option is that you can quietly keep him company.
For example, when a meal is ready, you invite him over;
once his shirt is ironed, you hang it up for him;
you can also put his blanket in the sun for the good smell, and he will feel cozier in bed……
The key point, however, is whether he eats or not, don’t ask; whether he puts on the ironed shirt, don’t ask; you leave him to decide for himself.
Then, another important thing is to observe silently; to see whether his pressure is slowly released.
After a while, if you observe that this pressure has gone, it is that he has found a way out himself.
If you become stressed because of your man’s suppressed pressure, and if you anxiously intervene by yourself, you will find the result of impatience is another quarrel with him because of his bad response.
It turns out to seem that you both have a serious problem. (In fact, there is no such thing.)
If one of you is emotional and says something more vicious, you will even fall into the hell of “doubting whether he or she is true love?”
Then your relationship would “shake the foundation of a country”.
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Photo: Obei-in Daitoku-ji, Kyoto
Conversely, when your mate is stressed out, you accompany, take care of him, and never ask fiercely;
at the same time, you keep your emotional health and do well on your own temporarily.
He will deeply feel such loving devotion more than any other time.
A stressful and impetuous person knows that he must have made people around him unhappy and tense.
In case of his stress, you react in a way that his unhappiness is gently allowed,
and that you quietly take care of him, waiting for him,
then such loving devotion is like “spreading kindness in the times of darkness”.
He will feel that “such a relationship is rarely precious.’
Your “waiting” will even wonderfully help him “get over it suddenly ” and find the inspiration to dismantle the problem.
In trouble, as long as there is a “home to go back”––––back to a place where he is quietly supported and rest in love.
It doesn't take long.
He will suddenly have the strength, and suddenly be resourceful.
Love has such a magical power.
Next, the second step to accompany a stressed man is to “create a vacation” for him.
When a stressful man cannot relieve it at a time, in fact, he should leave the source of pressure for a while.
In this way, he will have the inspiration to get off the hook faster.
Most people do things with their heads; if the head runs too long, it will only fall into its old habit.
Especially when you have been doing things in a fixed environment, you can easily develop habitual patterns and repeat yourself in there.
Once you encounter obstacles, you will do nothing but work harder with old habits.
Even if things are still not progressing, you will only work even harder with old habits and get stuck worse than ever.
So if you want to break away from this pattern speedily, a long vacation will be very helpful.
The reason: when one’s brain relaxes, one’s “heart” can perceive and receive the Higher Self’s guidance and pointing at his path. (Note)
How can you “create a vacation for him”?
Please don't say, “I think you are stressed out, you should go have some fun with me.”
Instead, say, “I really want to go to a place , are you free this Sunday? Could you take me there?”
If you tell him expressly that you invite him to go out to reduce his pressure, then such an invitation implies that you expect to have a certain result; this invisible expectation is even more stressful.
He is likely to turn you down.
Just imagine, isn’t it hard for an unhappy person to go out with you to show you a happy face?
Therefore, the latter statement gives him no pressure; besides, he may see a chance to make it up for you and the chance of success will be higher.
Because he knows well about his recent anxiety and irritability, he has been uneasy at the fact that he brings you no joy.
If you can suggest the place you’d like to go to, and have him take you there, he will be happy to do so.
He may secretly think to himself, “Well, I myself should also go out for a change and get some fresh air.”
In sum, as his better half, you can do the following two things when your man is under great pressure:
1. Quietly accompany and take care of him.
2. Help him take a vacation.
Then you will properly help him out, and he will love you more.
It’s a pity that many women don't understand these principles.
What she does simply turns herself into the person who stresses her man out whenever he suffers from outside pressure.
Then he will dislike your company increasingly because whenever he is not well, you only give him more burdens.
So here is the constant truth:
We need to understand others’ situations to achieve the life we wish for.
On your life journey, from time to time you must be able to recognize any unusual situation,
and clarify what kind of situation this is?
You cannot get along with others unconsciously.
If the other person’s condition is already abnormal, you must immediately adjust your usual and “normal” manner instead of sticking to the so-called “right or wrong”.
Because these are not just right or wrong.
These are the facts that all the people and things in the universe are constantly changing like horoscopes.
You must be able to coordinate with these changes and reach a dynamic balance; otherwise, you will get carsick and vomit.
(Note) Extended reading: "How to Rest Effectively–––Do You Do It Right?"
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Photo: A Little．Salty．Coffee,
Hengchun Pingtung, Taiwan
In any given year, everyone has periods of relatively high pressure.
Even those serious, successful, and always confident people come across such periods.
Just like a river, originally 100 meters wide, and its water normally flows smoothly;
but it is certain to see climate changes; a sudden, heavy rainfall of 300 mm in six hours may make the river on the verge of embankment breach.
Therefore, in relationships, people must be so prepared in their hearts that they are willing to do more for the other party in special times; then your relationship can survive the storm and become more intimate.
In fact, even when tons of things pour in at the same time, if you simply keep calm, never get irritable, just deal with them one by one, you can work them out.
So your love for your mate is to be used in his desperate need.
When he is stressed and impatient, you may be hurt by “stray bullets” though; and yet if you are willing to take a step back and think,
“What can I do to take care of him at this time?”
Then, you will deeply feel that the love you give actually helps you get through a relationship crisis and makes the bond of love between you two even stronger.
In fact, this is the key problem for those who come to me for advice.
Obviously they care for each other, but why do they end up fighting badly afterwards, causing their mate to be more and more “disillusioned” in this relationship?
The reason is, when one party is stressed and emotional, the other party acts to fuel the fire and increase the pressure.
It is quite normal to shift your anger to others when you fail to deal with emotions.
It is unnecessary for you to argue about right or wrong at that moment.
Your mate will be embarrassed and unable to respond to you with reasoning.
This is what forefathers meant by “turning a blind eye” when they talk about how to get along with mates.
But the keypoint of this phrase is that you turn a blind eye out of loving understanding and tolerance.
By doing so, you will not bear in mind that “You Owe Me Once!”
If you have a grudge, you both may have a worse conflict when the same thing occurs next time.
Many couples fight and head toward divorce.
The reason is whenever they have a quarrel, they settle old scores.
The more they settle old scores, the more they feel unable to keep their relationship going.
In fact, on many occasions, if you can accompany your mate through his stressful period in a proper way, he will be grateful to you in his heart.
Then your tolerance and sacrifice at that particular moment will win your future deeper bond of love.
When you recall it in the future, you will know that it is worth your while.
Moreover, if you can do this, you’ll never worry that your man goes outside for a mistress.
People become mates because in the beginning they like each other and share a lot of things.
The relationship gets worse because both parties find more and more taboos or stresses.
Then there is a need for an exit, so a third party comes.
If you can make your man feel that you know how to accompany him, he can rest assured of whatever he’d like to say, or not to say, then the longer relationship you have, the better your tacit understanding and communication become. You are his “secret mistress”; he doesn't need to look for another at all.
Let’s leave out those born playboys. In fact, men have secret lovers mostly because they have already accumulated a lot of pressure at work, which needs to be resolved, but the wives keep nagging at them…...don’t do this, don’t do that.
So he wants to get away from work and also from home.
Then, where will he end up?
It is to go to a mistress who is willing to accept everything about him.
Although men may be impulsive, they also know how dangerous it is to flirt around. For example, being victims of venereal diseases, badger games, or ruined and badgered by difficult persons and so on.
As long as you know better how to accompany him and take care of him when he is under greater pressure, it is almost unlikely that he will seek a mistress.
When your tacit understanding and mutual favors increase day by day, there will be an extra bonus of “All prosper in a harmonious family.”
Because you both as mates are equivalent to the power in “One Plus One Is Greater Than Two”.
Your complementary cooperation will eliminate all the obstacles that get stuck and things will get more effective with better and greater benefits.
Thus, your family will become more and more prosperous, and family fortunes, definitely on the rise.
On the contrary, many couples can only become quarrelsome but inseparable “burdens” instead of soul mates, why?
The reason is that they will impede and weaken each other when they get together (weaken the strengths, magnify the shortcomings).
A family established in this way will not prosper, but will gradually come to a situation where “couples become poor and lowly and everything goes wrong.”
So how can couples become soul mates?
The Higher Spirit says, in fact, when both are willing to see “how to take care of the other party”, and to tolerate and forgive…...developing in this way, they will become a pair of soul mates.
The principles revealed today are very simple for understanding.
But why do eighty percent of couples fail to do it?
Because most couples are unknowingly blackmailing each other in the name of love,
and accumulating barriers in the unpleasantness.
To be more clear, it is all due to the selfishness of human nature, so one can't enjoy the beauty of true love.
So if you really want to learn this lesson well, you need to be able to stay awake at all times when dealing with your mate, and be able to get to know more about your better half objectively,
instead of habitually asking him to act as “the person you want”.
In this way, slowly, you will see a lot of him that you have never discovered before, and you will see yourself that you have never discovered before.
Then you will become more and more aware of the past conflicts and the key to solving them.
Of course, you can also come to our classes, let the Higher Spirit and the teachers help you speed up, see more angles, let go of emotions faster, so that you can successfully pass this difficult relationships course.
From sweet love before marriage to adjustments in married life, a couple has been providing for each other's needs; they should be able to have deeper gratitude to each other.
But why do many couples become the so-called “most familiar strangers” later?
To put it simply, it is the “self-complacency” of both sides that split them into two parallel lines.
Would you like to join these two parallel lines to create a happy “parabola”?
If you really want to, please take a step forward, learn and do.
Then you don't need to be afraid of difficulties because definitely gods and buddhas will give you a gentle push on the road you should take.
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Original Text in Chinese
https://blog.xuite.net/mark001tw2009/twblog/588736611
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