"How Can We Speak Mellowly from the Heart?” ——Also on Parallel Universe & Interstellar Effect

The election day is approaching. Although the familiar mantra is that “competent persons” should be elected, and yet I believe, everyone can see from the election process that an inarticulate candidate will have a hard time to win.  Therefore, a person must be both competent and articulate to get more opportunities in today's society.

So today we will look into how to speak better, but before that, first of all, it is to build a mindset.  Before you talk to someone, you can keep this as a self reminder : After the talk, do I want to make a friend or an enemy?

After we have a talk with someone each time, something in it changes; that is, is it love or hate we have for each other?  Humans differ from machines. Humans are characterized by likes and dislikes. No matter what topic you talk about, even just a routine exchange at work, something extra will come into being after the talk, and that is, the other party’s "feeling about you”.  That is to say, any talk never results in something “neutral”.  It either makes your relationship with others a little bit better or worse.  However, such "a little bit" will have a butterfly effect on each other's lives. For example, someone will give you a message you may need mainly because you used to impress him a little bit; someone does not PASS on a message to you simply because you used to impress him a little unfavorably.  Therefore, we might speak with a purpose in sight, but we must also remember the long-term impact. Sometimes if you are a little fierce, hasty, dominant, or even cunning, you could hit the mark quickly. However, in the long run, the side effects may get worse, and in the end, the harm will outweigh the benefits.  Thus, he who knows how to speak mellowly will “choose his words to accumulate long-term blessings”.

“Choose your words to accumulate long-term blessings,”  talking each time with this mindset will be a very important basis for learning speaking skills.

With this foundation, we can then learn how to "speak mellowly from the heart”.

Let's start with a true story, a real life example of how a person can speak more mellowly. One day my friend went for a walk in a botanical garden. There was a pond, beside which was a large open space. Although empty, it was paved with smooth black tiles. When he passed by that day, he unexpectedly saw a middle-aged man, squatting and carving on the tiles willfully as if the tiled area were his blackboard, while explaining something eloquently to his friend next to him.

Then, my friend felt angry at once and thought to himself: How could there be such a person without public morals! Next, an urge arose in him to stop the man. That being said, in such a scenario, if it had been you, what would you have said to the man when you walked over to him?

"Sir, could you please not write here? It has caused damage to public property!” My friend said if he had rushed at the man, he would have probably said so.

But my friend managed his urge. He stopped right there and thought for a couple of minutes. Then he said that he suddenly figured out something and he was not angry at all. Besides, some rhetoric that he felt much better occurred to him. So he I walked over and said peacefully, "Sir, would scratching the tiles this way leave traces? I feel the tiled area very neat and I really don't want it to be covered with scratches.”

The middle-aged man stood up, giving the area a good rub with his foot, as a result, the traces gone. He said, “Not a bit! Look!" He then swayed the pebble in his hand, indicating that the traces came from stone powder.

"Alright! That ’s okay!" My friend smiled, saying, "But next to the lawn nearby is a patch of land. I would suggest you go and write there. Otherwise, would it be fine if you use my paper and pen here? Because many kids visit here, if they mimic the way adults do, they may not be able to calibrate proper limits of their behavior and might damage the tiles. "

In the end, the man and his friend moved to the lawn for writing.

After my friend's narrative, I asked him how did he think so that his anger was released?

He said, he first felt the reason for his anger, and the reason was that he thought “how could the man ignore others and damage the tiles for his own interests?” So the first reason for his anger is “ignore others” and the second, “scratches on the tiles”. Then he started to think if one could do this, what state of consciousness was he in?

Thinking this way, he began to observe the man carefully, and then he noticed his age and clothes rustic, and his action –– drawing on the tiles eagerly and discussing with a friend about something. Suddenly my friend recalled his childhood in the country, he used to pick up a stone and write or draw on the concrete floor with other kids. When they ran out of space for writing, they would rub the ground with foot moving back and forth. So he thought that the situation the man was engaged in might be different from the "world" my friend was aware of. First of all, the man might think that it is alright to wipe off with feet after writing. Secondly, he might not notice the beauty of these tiles as my friend did. My friend thought these tiles to be beautiful because he attended a lot to his surrounding and slowly developed a beauty consciousness. In fact, many Taiwanese do not attend to the environment so he should not assume that the man saw the same beauty as he did, and deliberately did damage to it. Thirdly, my friend thought that the tiles had been scratched from the very beginning, but in fact, it was not confirmed.

When he examined himself so far, he was not angry, so he started to think about how to properly show his regards about this matter, and then he said, "Sir, could there be traces on the tiles by writing on them? I feel the tiles here pretty neat and I really don't want them to be scratched."

From my perspective, this was really a more mellow way to show concerns. He expressed his own worries and proposed a neutral question, which reserved spaces for both sides without saying that the man was deliberate, nor had he caused damage. But he also conveyed his original intention, his own concerns, and he bravely stepped in.

Think about another version. If someone pointed a finger at the man saying that he had damaged the public property with no morals. Although the man might have suddenly found how others thought of him, he could have also had grievance and humiliation, feeling that "I was not so bad”. Perhaps a quarrel might follow.

In the above example, my friend thought in the method called "Tai Chi Thinking". Once a person switches to this Tai Chi Thinking, he can speak more mellowly.

What is "Tai Chi Thinking"? That is, whenever you make judgment about something, try to imagine: if someone's judgment is exactly the opposite of mine, then what could be his reasons for its validation.

For example, when you go shopping, seeing a dress and thinking "This is ugly.” Then you ask yourself, "If someone really thinks it beautiful and likes very much in it, what could be the reason? And who might find it beautiful?” You can even deliberately correct yourself by saying, "This is so pretty!” Then you can experience different perspectives on this dress.

Conversely, if you watch a movie and think, "Awesome!" Then you can also simulate: “Would anyone think it awful?” You can imagine someone who really thinks so, then what could be his standpoint? Could someone else feel it bad, too?"

If you own a business and you meet an awkward customer, thinking, “What a pest!" Then you must try to do some thinking, “Would someone find this awkward customer OK? Suppose someone finds such a customer OK, what could be his reason?”

Another example, maybe in a conflict with someone, you feel innocent about what he is accusing of. At this time you can also think: “Perhaps it is not my original intention, but if he really feels that way, then what part of my behavior could cause him to think that way?"

This way of thinking will help you elevate your horizon to overlook your and others’ parallel universes simultaneously. We often think unconsciously that we live in the same world as others; in fact, everyone lives in his or her own "cognitive field", which I call "parallel universe”.

The Taijitu is a circle with the two poles of black and white, which are interlocking into a perfect circle in a complementary manner. The meaning of this Taijitu is profound and cannot be clearly explained in three days and nights, but for the theme of today, its meaning can be: 

If you can understand yourself and the opposing party simultaneously, your wisdom will be mellow at that moment.

So whenever you are to speak, first see if your expression sounds judgmental. If it does, first of all, put this judgment into “Tai Ji Thinking" to see any new perspective is there for your reminder. Then you will find your emotions more relaxed and peaceful, your words more thoughtful, objective, and space-creating. Your expression will be more mellow, which is not echoing what the books say, but coming from the heart.

Here is an explanation for the difference between "mellow" and “tactful”. Being "tactful" aims only to avoid conflicts, but it often produces more lies; however, being ”mellow" is a status quo based on the understanding of differences, removing the subjective mind while correcting one’s thinking and doing.

(Conclusion)
Everyone is like a parallel universe. 

Whenever you are willing to go in and understand, you will gradually know about this universe different from yours. 

When you know more about parallel universes, with higher wisdom, you can accommodate more different parallel universes with knowledge of how to speak and respond to different parallel universes. 

Thus, you will have less “ego” and more “mellowness”. 

In fact, this is the "Oneness" in spiritual practices. 

“Oneness" is that your consciousness can understand more and more people (including their parts of black and white) by putting yourself in their shoes. 

This naturally leads to “mellowness”, the "Five-Dimensional love”, which will keep drawing you all the way to higher and higher levels of “Oneness”. 

Then, this is a process of “going home” spiritually. 

In this process, you will also begin to reach "yourself of the future version”. 

You will begin to perceive the helps from your more advanced selves. 

This is because you have entered a greater oneness. 

This is no longer the third dimension, but the status quo of the fifth dimension. 

This is what the movie "Interstellar" is all about. 

However, the "interstellar effect" is still a metaphor made with the human mind, not the reality itself. 

Some are looking forward to my review of the movie “Interstellar" as I did with "Lucy" before. 

In fact, this is a tough task because what I can say is actually beyond languages. 

If it can be interpreted more appropriately, I will write a post.