"How to Get Along with People You Hate?" A Summary of One of ZHANG, Cheng's Broadcasts

Please listen in secret. Don’t tell the person you hate ^_^

Foreword

If you can simply say "Thank you. Call you later" to the person you hate, then you just leave it at that.  The problem is, you cannot but get along with someone who you have run foul of.  This article is to offer some remedies for this situation.

1. First Reduce Pressure for Yourself.

When you must get along with someone you hate, he or she must have brought to you an emotional burden. Before you change this reality, it is suggested that you take off stress for yourself as the first step.   It is better to think about how to deal with it stress-free as you will become wiser ⋯⋯

Stress Relief Strategies

1.1 Pay Attention to the Person You Hate.  

It is not that "he is not nice to you", but it is that he is "being nasty accidentally in front of you".

For example, supervisors, elders that you hate ...... Are they just being nasty as they are, or are they being nasty only to you and never to others? You will find that most of the cases are of the former (personality problem). So, the ability to distinguish will greatly prevent you from being hurt.  It is absolutely not easy to get along with an unhappy person, but you can learn to "observe his unhappiness" while knowing that it has nothing to do with you.

1.2 Don't Think "If I Make No Mistakes, I Shouldn't Be Hassled."  

A lot of our emotions come from the feeling of "being unfairly treated".  But the same rice feeds all kinds of people.  It is very normal to be treated unfairly.  You can change it, but don't think it should not happen.  Ms. Chang, Hsiao-yen(1 張小燕) once said that many new artists would often sob out their unfair treatment.  She would tell them, "You cannot ask others to treat you nicely. You can only make them willing to."  This is what an experienced person has learned.  If you can grow up quickly and keep in mind that "It's normal for others being unkind to me", you will have a lot more wisdom.

1.3 Give Thanks to Those Kind to You, Give Back and Devote to Them.

Needless to say, this will definitely make you feel happier. Besides, you will find that perhaps you give too much attention to the person you hate.

2. No Need to Change the Person You Hate, But Can Change the Way He Treats You.

Many people in this world are selfish, bad-tempered, immoral, and brazen-faced.  If you cannot stay away from them for now, you can still change the way they treat you so that they will restrain themselves on seeing you.

Strategies

2.1 Understand on a practical level, what is the most important value of your usefulness to the person?

If you check and find that you are of no use or replaceable any time, then you must self-examine whether you have misplaced yourself at all, or you are relying on others for a living.  If so, then you have no leverage at all.  I would suggest that you first strive to become a useful, even a "more bangs for his bucks" individual, then your existence will begin to have an impact.

2.2 When you understand the value of your usefulness in his mind, then you can start the "two-handed strategy".  

On the one hand, you display your value better than usual.  On the other hand, when he does something uncomfortable to you, tell him bravely that you do not like him this way.

Generally people are selfish.  They think with their own pros and cons, gains and losses.  Once they feel that losses outweigh gains, they will make a turn by themselves.  Therefore, by increasing your practical value in his mind, you will naturally have greater influence on him.

3. If you have always encountered the same type of nasty persons, you must be still lacking in some wisdom so that you attract annoying people into your life.  For example,

3.1 If you always meet people who do not respect you, which usually means that you do not have your own life goals.

3.2 If you always come across villains who want to attack and destroy you, which usually means that you like to be puffed, loved, but you are not really generous.

3.3 Being ostracized by others' circles usually means that one has encountered a bottleneck in career development. One cannot bear to see people of one’s same level, but one cannot go upwards.

Still you must solve your own problems and take yourself to a higher level so that pesky people at this level will be completely no longer a bother to you.

(1)  (a Taiwanese TV host and actress) 

Original Text in Chinese:

https://blog.xuite.net/mark001tw2009/twblog/212444642-如何跟討厭的人相處？